Grammy Magic

Last night's Grammy show was easily the best in years. Tons of surprises, but the real surprise was no posers.

No latest indie rock posers, no hooligan rappers, no pop tarts. The only possible exception was Rihanna, who is not exactly a no-talent in my book, but easily the least talented person to take the stage last night. Thankfully, her irritating rainy day hip-pop number "Umbrella" did not take home a win.

Everybody that hit that stage was the real deal. An actual talented, original musician or singer. How often does that happen? The tributes to stars of the past were ironically a breath of fresh air. Good Golly Little Richard and Jerry Lee Lewis!!!! Were there performances up to the level they set in their primes? No, but the fact that they can even get up there and do that well into their 70's (or 80s? I don't even know how old they are) is incredible. Tina Turner too! And, let's not forget John Fogerty. Creatively, he seems to be mining the same vein that won him success 30 years ago, but give him credit for still having the voice and the chops to pull it off live.

My least favorite act of the night was Alicia Keys. Yeah, yeah, I know she's talented. She's "classically trained." That means that she took piano lessons. And yeah, she's got a pretty good voice. But for all that she is touted as a creative person who writes (or, more often co-writes) her own songs, I just don't see the talent on that end. I've never been the least bit impressed with her songs. Well produced, and somewhat catchy (usually not that catchy even) but no lyrical wisdom, no clever wordplay, no memorable melodies, no nothing. Just overproduced hip-pop balladry. If she wasn't drop dead gorgeous (which she is), she wouldn't even have a record deal, much less all this attention. That having been said, she is at least a real musician and a talented person, worthy of a little respect and miles above the Britney's and Rihanna's of the world. But her arrogant stance and attitude comes through far more clearly than any artistic intent she may have. Fergie is a better singer, but has the grace to show a little humility. Speaking of which, did not Fergie and John Legend show how it is done? One piano, one voice and a little magic.

Will.I.Am's little mashup seemed to go over the heads of the crowd, but it was really cool and well done. His general goofiness makes a lot of people underestimate how talented he is. The goofiness is an act, a persona that expresses a worldview he wants to get across, and it's a shame some people just don't get it. "Let's Get Retarded" is his anthem, and he recorded that with more intelligence than goes into a dozen 50 Cent CDs. Or for that matter, Alicia Keys CDs.

Speaking of arrogant asses, Kanye actually impressed me for a change. He's still prone to making grandiose statements about his importance in the music world, and he is still a big baby when he doesn't win (he refused to make any statements to the press afterwards, presumably because he lost the "Best Album" award to Herbie Hancock), but to be fair, his performance was a highlight, and he had the decency to acknowlege the talent of other nominees, as well as the grace to laugh when Vince Gill took a playful jab at him from the stage. (Gill, after accepting his Grammy from presenter Ringo Starr, said, "I just got a Grammy from a Beatle. You had that yet, Kanye?" I still think he's too arrogant for his own good, but I'm genuinely sorry for him for the loss of his mother,(I cheered when he, when thanking his mother while they tried to play him off the stage, said "it would be in good taste to stop the music right now.") and it seems to have humanized him just a bit. I like Kanye better today than I did yesterday, and I really would like to see him make good on his creative ambitions.

And in conclusion, AMY WINEHOUSE, AMY WINEHOUSE, AMY WINEHOUSE, AMY WINEHOUSE!!!
The performance was great, the thankfulness and surprise was genuine, and I'm thrilled to see the girl looking healthier than she has in a while. I hope the media gives her a break. She's only 24 years old. Go Amy! I want to hear your next album. Here's hoping that she'll be better off after the rehab she refused for so long. Maybe next album, it'll be crack and booze she'll say "NO, NO, NO" to.

There was more, but I don't have time to go into it. The best Grammy broadcast for quite a while! Let's hope they don't screw it all up next year.

Motivational Pukers

After a recent company meeting, where they trotted out this motivational speaker to try and get us to buy into the corporate notion that we all have to achieve our highest potential to be happy (and maximize profits), I came to a simple, inescapable conclusion.

I hate motivational speakers.

There are a certain percentage of people who are natural over achievers, meaning that they are internally motivated to try and wring the maximum "success" out of their lives (as opposed to, oh, I don't know, say, living their lives). Maybe they are super competitive, super greedy or just feel like Daddy never loved them enough, so they have to overcompensate. And some of them are just business adrenaline junkies. That's those people, and if that high energy, maximum effort lifestyle fulfills, them, I think that's just dandy. I don't dislike these people. At all.

Unless they decide that everybody else should be just like them and drink the high achiever koolaid which says that you are a "loser" if you're not making 6 figures and living the high roller lifestyle.

The simple truth of the matter, though, is that most of us have modest ambitions. We all would like to make a little more money, dress a little nicer, have a newer car, etc. and most of us achieve limited versions of those goals as time and careers play out, but big time success is not really on the agenda for the majority of people. Not that it can't be done, but that everybody can't do it. Somebody has to do the kind of work that I do. Somebody has to sell copiers and run printing shops and keep the books and answer the phones. For the most part, the people who get the big success are the ones who practically kill themselves to get it. They work 60-70 hour weeks. They spend years getting advanced degrees. Also, not coincidentally, lots of the most successful people are particularly talented in the fields within which they work.

So along comes some motivational schmendrick who wrote a book, or had a successful business selling real estate pyramid plans or defrauding old people, and has subsequently been able to convince various businesses that they can help increase productivity and boost morale by giving the employees a metaphysical shot in the arm, a success mantra that will lead to more money, more happiness and true success!!!

By and large, they all preach some version of the "positive thinking mantra." "If you can see it, you can be it!"

The idea is that if you believe in yourself enough, you can do anything. That is the biggest load of crap in history, and is, not coincidentally, the precise reason that the auditions for American Idol are a hideous blight on the ears of a gullible viewing public. Okay, good entertainment, but not a recipe for success.

I'll tell you what. If you own a company with a bunch of slacker employees and you want me to give them the "secret" to success, then I will give it to them.

I will gather them all together, ask management to leave the room and I will tell them this. "Be smart, be lucky, and work your ass off. Oh, and it also helps if you have a wealthy relative to bankroll your business." There, that took about 15 seconds.

Then, I will invite them over to a nearby bar, where I will buy them drinks with my hefty appearance fee, and we will make fun of their weaselly corporate lackey bosses. This will do much more for their happiness and self esteem than an hour of some dillweed telling them what amounts to "you're not good enough if you aren't running (or owning) a Fortune 500 company by the time you're 40."

My message is, if you're good enough for you, you're good enough for me. Let's get a beer.

Motivational Pukers

After a recent company meeting, where they trotted out this motivational speaker to try and get us to buy into the corporate notion that we all have to achieve our highest potential to be happy (and maximize profits), I came to a simple, inescapable conclusion.

I hate motivational speakers.

There are a certain percentage of people who are natural over achievers, meaning that they are internally motivated to try and wring the maximum "success" out of their lives (as opposed to, oh, I don't know, say, living their lives). Maybe they are super competitive, super greedy or just feel like Daddy never loved them enough, so they have to overcompensate. And some of them are just business adrenaline junkies. That's those people, and if that high energy, maximum effort lifestyle fulfills, them, I think that's just dandy. I don't dislike these people. At all.

Unless they decide that everybody else should be just like them and drink the high achiever koolaid which says that you are a "loser" if you're not making 6 figures and living the high roller lifestyle.

The simple truth of the matter, though, is that most of us have modest ambitions. We all would like to make a little more money, dress a little nicer, have a newer car, etc. and most of us achieve limited versions of those goals as time and careers play out, but big time success is not really on the agenda for the majority of people. Not that it can't be done, but that everybody can't do it. Somebody has to do the kind of work that I do. Somebody has to sell copiers and run printing shops and keep the books and answer the phones. For the most part, the people who get the big success are the ones who practically kill themselves to get it. They work 60-70 hour weeks. They spend years getting advanced degrees. Also, not coincidentally, lots of the most successful people are particularly talented in the fields within which they work.

So along comes some motivational schmendrick who wrote a book, or had a successful business selling real estate pyramid plans or defrauding old people, and has subsequently been able to convince various businesses that they can help increase productivity and boost morale by giving the employees a metaphysical shot in the arm, a success mantra that will lead to more money, more happiness and true success!!!

By and large, they all preach some version of the "positive thinking mantra." "If you can see it, you can be it!"

The idea is that if you believe in yourself enough, you can do anything. That is the biggest load of crap in history, and is, not coincidentally, the precise reason that the auditions for American Idol are a hideous blight on the ears of a gullible viewing public. Okay, good entertainment, but not a recipe for success.

I'll tell you what. If you own a company with a bunch of slacker employees and you want me to give them the "secret" to success, then I will give it to them.

I will gather them all together, ask management to leave the room and I will tell them this. "Be smart, be lucky, and work your ass off. Oh, and it also helps if you have a wealthy relative to bankroll your business." There, that took about 15 seconds.

Then, I will invite them over to a nearby bar, where I will buy them drinks with my hefty appearance fee, and we will make fun of their weaselly corporate lackey bosses. This will do much more for their happiness and self esteem than an hour of some dillweed telling them what amounts to "you're not good enough if you aren't running (or owning) a Fortune 500 company by the time you're 40."

My message is, if you're good enough for you, you're good enough for me. Let's get a beer.

Same Song, Second Verse

Time, indeed does fly. I'm not really worried about the surfing. If it happens, it happens, but I am continuing to pursue other passions. The main thing in life, as we are forced to live it in the modern world, is not to be swallowed by your job. You've got to have hobbies, pursuits, minor obsessions, avocations, passions, interests, anything so that you have an identity beyond "standard suburban cubicle drone."

But, if you have a wife and a decent lifestyle that you want to keep, you've got to work. I missed out on the inheritance lottery and the regular lottery is just a tax on people who are bad at math, so what remains for me is a regular job.

Which requires me to stop typing rather than get fired. Bye for now.

Time flies like a mofo

Since last we blogged (this is as in the royal "we." Either that or I have a mouse in my pocket) I have lived through nearly another summer, went to Disneyworld, lost a little weight, played a few gigs, learned a few songs, and still... freakin' still have not gotten back on a surfboard!

I am a miserable failure at expanding my life experiences according to a carefully concocted plan for self improvement.

But at least I'm thinking about it and I'll get back down to the coast in September. Rawk!

Perusing other blogs

You know how I hardly ever post anymore? Okay, let me back up. Before I started a blog here, I had another blog/journal/online diary/commentary whateveryouwanttocallit page. I updated there (it's gone now) off and on for at least a couple of years. And then I stopped, and started and stopped and started, etc.
I suppose I've had lots of the same motivations to spew out my thoughts online as a lot of other people. We all want to be heard, to feel that our thoughts might just matter to someone other than those who love us whether we write anything or not. It feels good to know that our observations and thoughts are intrinsically interesting to someone other than ourselves.
So, since I've bothered to hope that other people would read what I write, I feel it only fair to go and read what some other folks write about here on blogspot. And it makes me sad. So I'm going to say something that some people may not want to hear.

YOU ARE BORING, most of you. And you know who are the most boring of all? Wannabe writers, poets, etc. And I believe I know what the problem (other than an intrinsic lack of talent) is. Too many people write because they want to write something. Perhaps I'm not saying this correctly. They want to have written something. They want to think of themselves as a writer. They likethe idea of being a writer.

But here's the thing. They have nothing to say.

If you are thinking about writing, please, please for the love of all that is not mind numbingly, "stick a fork in my eyeball to distract me from this torture" boring, consider for a moment why you have decided to write something. If the answer is anything other than "I have something to say that others might find interesting, funny or informative" then please don't do it.

Just don't do it. I thank you, and my so far forkless eyeballs thank you.

Yes indeedy!

yeah, I never post here. Also, I haven't even tried to surf for months, but I'm still worth reading, and the band is still going strong. We're playing this Friday, and have a couple of more things booked.